wow, haven't blogged in the longest time.
well i guess i need to get some of this stress out.
so if you don't care, or if you just don't want to get depressed, don't read on...heh.
i'm so confused about my close friends.
(yes once again, it's this time of year everyone)
i mean like.... saikin, i feel like i'm...unneeded. like nothing would change if i left.
sure they tell me how everything'll be different and all, but i don't feel that they really mean it sometimes.
i mean don't get me wrong, i don't want them all emo 24/7, i want to make the best out of all the time i got left with them, i wanna make every day a memory (and i sound so corny to say that, but y'all know what i mean).
but then.... i personally want to have like a LOT of fun in my last few months, y'know? but then (i know i'm gonna sound PATHETIC) i tend to find myself alone at lunch these days... like at first everyone's there and we're all having fun and then little by little everyone leaves....to go with other people. and i'm left all alone. well not entirely alone, but then i'm not so moriagatteru with the convos the people left are having so i'm just like "hahaha....hah>_>" mitaina.
i guess if i leave, nothing will change for everyone else, at least. everything'll change for me, that's for sure.
sometimes i'd wish i just wasn't existent at all,y'know? i mean all i do is meiwaku kakeru to everyone else around me, and i'm just...blank. besides if i disappear now, like i say, it's not like anything's gonna change.....
sometimes i'd wish someone out there will find me til then i'd walk alone... |